A productive day makes this lady happy!!! :)

Today seemed pretty productive........although I am still exhausted (last night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be), I got to do a lot of follow-up calls, see an attorney and organize my desk at home. My cold/cough actually felt a LOT better today so I am think I am finally on the mend! YEA! :)

Finished up my 'notebook' for the attorney. Made copies of all my medical records, physicians reports, info on my tumor, Cyberknife (Stanford machine) vs. Brainlab (Sharp machine) info, etc.... It was all organized with tabs for my 'timeline', doctors, tumor info, all the 'tests' I have had, MRI/CT, etc.... The notebook just keeps growing!

The attorney I met with specializes in health insurance. He knows quite a bit about dealing with them. So, we went over my situation and discussed details of all that's been going on. He was a very nice man. My intention of my visit today was to just see what possible 'chance' I had in dealing with my insurance company. I am not looking to have an attorney fight this for me, right now. In time, I will know more of what I need to do (or not do). It was a good meeting and I felt like I got some really good information from him.

Did some other phone calls and finally talked to Connie from the SD Brain Tumor Foundation. She gave me a lot of info and is sending me some paperwork to apply for a grant from them. They can give up to $2-4K in grant money to go towards medical bills. It ALL adds up!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I am grateful for the gift of possessing inner strength.

I am able to face any struggle with the love that emits from my heart." - unknown author

I do feel that even though each day seems to be a major challenge, my inner strength does get stronger and stronger. Things are coming together, slowly but surely.

Night! :)

Rachelle

Need some sleep - BAD!!!

Was up (again) last night with Austin. Poor little guy....had a cold a few weeks ago, got over it and now a relapse! :( He gets the most wicked coughs I have ever heard. And of course, there isn't much you can do with this other than let it ride out. So, I have been up 3 nights w/him (as "I" am trying to get over my cold too) and now as I am writing this, I can hear little Ms. Camryn coughing and sneezing - UGH! I guess another sleepless night........................

THANK GOD FOR OUR MOMS! My mom came to my rescue this morning. She was going to watch the kids while I went to work but there was NO way I could even drive my car unless I got a little more sleep. So, when she showed up, she watched the kids and I went back to bed. Only slept an hour (but hey, when you are mom - that is A LOT!) and then got up to get stuff ready for the attorney. Went to my primary doctors office to get copies of reports/records, etc.... Then I worked on putting a 'notebook' together for the attorney. Basically it was my notebook that I started awhile back but a duplicate for him. The more organized you are and you have it all ready for them, I do think that if you end up hiring an attorney, it can save you some $$$.

Anway, I was getting all this stuff ready and realized I needed more time. What's really important to an attorney is a 'timeline.' As in, a 'timeline of events' that have occurred since the beginning of the 'problem.' So, I had to update my 'timeline' - which took me a few hours because it's best to be as accurate as possible. So, I had to go back to reports and refer to exact dates of when I met 'who' and who said 'what' about my condition. So, it's almost 11:00pm and NOW I feel like I am ready to meet him! :)

I am meeting the attorney tomorrow and we'll see what happens!!! Say prayers that it goes well!!!

I also faxed a letter to the doctor from Sharp who 'told me' to get a consult up at Stanford. Of course that little bit of information was not in his report so I told him that I took his advice, went up there and that I now need him to send me a referral up to Stanford for treatment (I also sent him a copy of the Stanford doctors' report). We'll see what happens with that.

Then of course, I faxed a request to the doctor up at Stanford (that I want to treat me) and basically said, "HELP!". I asked that he do a peer to peer w/Sharp (meaning he speaks to a physician in the referral dept. on my behalf), that he appeal or he also puts in a referral for me to be treated at Stanford. I am not sure which one they do first, etc...but just basically told him I needed his help to get up there. We'll see what happens with that too.

I am still 'here' but at least I feel the ball is rolling - the question is, which direction is it going to lead me too...

Although it was hectic today (mainly because I was soooooo tired), I feel like I am moving forward. So, that is good in my world. :)

Today's daily affirmation is a biblical one:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

Proverbs 3:5-6

I guess this means I shouldn't think ahead about which way the ball will roll. I have to have faith that trusting God will take me where I need to go.

AMEN!

Rachelle :)

DENIED! No surprise here...

Well, I got the 'formal' denial today from Sharp. Called my doctors office because I hadn't gotten anything in the mail and it seems like it's been months since she turned it in. Her nurse said it was denied and she was going to fax me a copy (since I need to see the reasons why and get on my appeal or on my next plan of action).

I knew it was coming but I still cried. I just know I have a lot of work ahead of me and really - who needs to deal with all this when you have a tumor growing in your head! :(

So, remember my Plan A, B, C & D? Well, I went straight to Plan D today! I called an attorney and am meeting with him tomorrow. Not that I am not going to do the others but remember, they ALL take time. So, while I work on A, B & C - Plan D will already be underway (and I 'may' not even need that - hopefully!!).

More phone calls tomorrow and I'll be anxious to hear what this attorney has to say (at least I will know if I have a chance or not). Tomorrow's just a consult so no money going into that - yet...

I told you a few days back that this would be a week of answers and I think it will.

I will be calling the doctor up at Stanford tomorrow to have him call my insurance down here for a referral request or appeal (don't know which applies but doesn't matter) - like he said he would. Let's just hope and pray that he can make an impact on all this.

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day." - Will Durant

Let's hope my 'lucky' day is tomorrow.. :) :)

Night!

Rachelle

A new week begins!!!

It's Monday and I prayed over the weekend that this week would be better than last week! Although I am verryyyyyyy tired (still sick and one sick baby), my mind is right where it needs to be - getting to Stanford asap!!

So, I have my Plan A, B, C & D all ready to go...........remember in situations like this, you have to have the next 'plan' already in place. I have no time to spare here.

Plan A - appeal my HMO

Plan B- get the doc up at Stanford to help appeal my case (he said he would personally make a phone call and I will hold him to that! :)

Plan C - Ask the doctor to do the work pro-bono (yes, for free.....it can't hurt to ask!!! It would at least cut out some of the expenses)

Plan D - hire an attorney to fight my HMO

I was able to contact another organization today. Thanks so much Rian for the info!! :) It's called the San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation. Founded by Connie Reeves Campbell. Her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1998 and lost his life in 2000. Connie then started this organization because she knew first-hand what an impact this diagnosis can have on a family.

Check out this link on brain tumor facts & statistics. Little scary to read when you have one but the more educated I am, the better off I will be.

http://www.sdbtf.org/facts-bout-bt.html

I emailed her and am waiting to hear back. They can help out in several different ways so I am interested to hear what she has to say.

I also looked into attorneys. Got a few recommendations from a friend - thanks Beth! I need a good one that 'fights HMO's.' If anyone knows of one, send their name to me. Also, when you look for an attorney, it's a good idea to go 'interview' them first because you obviously want one 'you' are comfortable with. Just like me searching for the doctor best for 'me', I need an attorney who has 'my' best interest and I feel comfortable with.

Obviously I am hoping I will never get to Plan D!! BUT, if I do, I'll be ready.........

It will still cost me less to hire a good attorney and get this paid for then to pay for the whole procedure itself. Yes, it's a risk but I am willing to try that first.

I have a feeling I will have a lot more answers this week. My doc up at Stanford is out of the office until Wednesday so I have two days to really get a lot of things done.

PRAY that answers come my way and that I can keep moving forward!

Today's Daily Affirmation is an affirmation for tumors:

"I lovingly release the past and turn my attention to this new day." - Unknown author

It's a new Monday and a new week! Enough now and let's get this show on the road!!

Hugs to you all -

Rachelle

Happy Birthday Ms. Camryn! :)

Today was my little girls 1st B-Day!!!!! I can't believe how this last year has flown. I am glad to almost be done with bottle washing but at the same time, sad that the whole newborn/baby stage is almost over.. :( It's certainly bitter-sweet.......... I had two rough pregnancies (my tumor caused Bells Palsey with my first pregnancy and severe vertigo with my second). Little did I know that I had this tumor but now that I do, I have been told by two doctors that it's best not to get pregnant, ever again. Reason being is that there are two 'types' of tumors mine could be. One has estrogen receptors on it - therefore could grow by the increase in hormones during pregnancy. Chris and I had always talked about only having two but when someone 'tells' you that you shouldn't have any more kids, it makes that pill a little harder to swallow.

I am blessed with two HEALTHY children.......so, I am o.k. with how things are! :)

I FINALLY figured out how to add music!! Thanks Nancy! :) I think I told you that right now my favorite song is the "Black Eyed Peas - "I Gotta Feeling" - so upbeat and fun. When the sh&% started to hit the fan with my situation, I kept hearing this song and it just instantly put me in a good mood. So, when you connect to my blog - that is what you are going to hear first!!

My second choice is Van Halen's "Right now." I'll also tell you that I love country, R&B, hip-hop, rock, heavy metal - ALL of it...I am definitely more of an '80's queen' but I like a lot of different genres......so, you might find my playlist a little strange.. :) But, there is a story to each of them.

Now, back to my second choice. When I was going through paramedic school, I was having a little bit of a hard time in my field internship. It was almost guaranteed that 50% of your class would fail medic school but mostly in your 'field' time (which consisted of doing approximetly 3 months of shifts with a paramedic crew and having them critique you). It was one of the hardest things I ever did and I don't care what anyone says but basically in approximately 10 months, you are taught to diagnose patients and make life threatening decisions. It's very intense. So, to get pumped up before my shift, I would play this song over and over on my way to the fire station. For some reason it got me focused on what I needed to do with each shift. Everyone has a different way of dealing with things and this is what helped me. I ended up graduating and everytime I hear that song, it takes me back to those days. I have to give a shout out to Jim & Phil (my paramedic preceptors from Vista Fire) who put up with all my ups and downs and to Mary C. (my field instructor) who rode my butt (like white on rice) but pushed me to be a good medic. THANKS!! :)

OK - got off on a little tangent there but sometimes it's fun to reminisce about the ol' days!! :)

What a GREAT DAY!!!

A friend of mine posted a comment on my blog on how to remember to 'stay in the moment and to not dwell on the past or worry about the future.' I was certainly doing that this last week so thanks Nancy for bringing me 'back' to where I need to be. Post your comments!! I read all of them and they really make an impact on me.

Today's Daily Affirmation:

Every day in every way I am freely opening my senses to the beauty in myself and opening up to all the beauty around me and in all the people I encounter - Random affirmation from 'holistic healings.'

It's been a long day but one full of memories. Happy Birthday to my sweet little baby girl. I love you!!!

Rachelle

One step closer...

Well, I made all those follow-up calls to see what the heck is going on and I am glad I did. I didn't want to go into the weekend 'not knowing' anything has progressed at all.

Talked to a few different people up at Stanford. I talked to Doctor #2's medical assistant and told her my situation, the urgency, how can she help me etc and she was awesome. She told me that they faxed some information that would help my primary doctor w/the referral and she also said that if I got denied treatment (which was done verbally but I have not gotten the formal letter yet), that Doctor #2 said that he would call Sharp himself to speak to whomever he needed to talk to. Of course I thought this was good news and I will surely hold him to it! :)

I also talked to Radiology/Oncology to see if I could set up a consult appt w/that doctor (it has to be done before any treatment is started) and she said she still hasn't gotten approval but it could come in Monday. I am still going to make an appointment - it'll be week #2 and I can't keep waiting. I just have to assume my situation is the worst and if it isn't, then "I" will have been my own advocate to be on top of things. People who sit around and just 'wait' are the ones you hear that don't have the good outcome - I am not going to be one of them.

This week was a rough one - probably the worst I have had in awhile. Gosh - I know SO MANY of you are praying for me and I need more of them now than ever. I can see how people 'give up' and do what is easiest...................but I just can't. I have to keep believing that all of this will work out!!

My little girls 1st B-day is tomorrow - can't believe it. I am going to enjoy the day and be grateful for my healthy, little girl and all the joy she has brought me.

Today's daily affirmation:

CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION:

"Remember this maxim: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. The way you perceive things is an extremely powerful tool that will allow you to fully bring the power of intention into your life." - Wayne Dyer

I believe that next week will be better than this one. This one is over and it's time to move on.

Thanks to everyone for their support!!!!! I can't thank you enough!

Hugs -

Rachelle

Today was somewhat uneventful.....other than I think I am getting my babies cold! :(

I have been so healthy the last 9 months (since I have been doing this holistic eating plan w/herbs) but with all the stress lately, it's no surprise that my immune system is not so strong right now.

Monday, I get an estimate from Sharp on how much the procedure costs there. Then I am going to get Stanfords and hope that it's more cost effective to go to Stanford (I doubt it but we can always hope!) :)

I still haven't heard from Stanford. Maybe because the gal I spoke to is waiting to hear on her end. I will definitely call her back tomorrow, before the weekend, to see if she has any updates. The waiting is a killer - another day passes and pretty soon it will be two weeks since my trip to Stanford.

On a happy note, my beautiful little baby girl turns 1 on Saturday!! :) I have been scrambling the last few days to get ready for her birthday. I can't believe I gave birth to that little girl almost a year ago now. She is the happiest baby on this planet and such a joy. Camryn and Austin give me so much strength!! My love for them is indescribable.

I attached some recent photos of them.... aren't they the cutest??!!!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins

I believe everything will be o.k.

I believe I will be healed.

I believe this happened to me for a reason.

I believe this will make me a better and stronger person.

And I believe in the power of prayer.

Things are a little tough right now so stay strong with me and keep sending me your positive energy and prayers......!!!!

Love to you all -

Rachelle :)

PS - To my '11' followers... :) POST A PIX! I want to see your beautiful faces!! :)