Sunday, November 29, 2009

Only good thoughts for this week...

Gosh - I am REALLY hoping I get some answers this week. Before I know it, another month will have passed and my goal was to have treatment DONE by the end of the year so that I could ring in the New Year BRAIN TUMOR FREE! :)
It's still possible...........right??????????? YES!!!

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"So long as there is breath in me, that long I will persist. For now I know one of the greatest principles on success; if I persist long enough, I will win." - Og Mandino

NIGHT!! :)
Rachelle

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Tomorrow is a day of just rest, being with family and for giving 'thanks.' I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and although my brain tumor isn't the 'ideal' situation (obviously), things still could be a LOT worse. Being a city employee, SEVERAL co-workers got word yesterday that they will be losing their jobs (some even after 25+ years of service to this city)......my prayers go out to them and their families and I hope things work out for everyone.

We will be celebrating Thanksgiving at the Fire Station since Chris has to work tomorrow. Best part - NO COOKING!! The RB Inn caters dinner to the firefighters who have to work on this holiday. They treat their district firefighters well!! :) Thanks RB Inn!!!

Today's Daily Affirmation(s):

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~Irv Kupcinet

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. ~Edward Sandford Martin

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." - Meister Eckhart

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE! :)
Hugs -
Rachelle


Monday, November 23, 2009

I was right!!!

Well, I was right - all the physicians I need to contact are ALL off this week. Totally sucks because that delays things 'another' week. I am trying not to be discouraged by this but it seems like days have turned into weeks, and weeks, now into months. It's amazing how time goes by so fast. If I don't see any progression in a week or two, I might ask my physician for another MRI. It has been almost 4 months (can you believe that?) since my last MRI and if it grew A LOT in a 7 month span, I might want to know where it's at right now. The reason I was holding off was because before Cyberknife, they do an MRI & CT prior to treatment as to get an exact measurement of the tumor. So, I just don't want to expose myself to more radiation unless necessary. Maybe it will put my mind at ease (if it hasn't grown much) OR it will do the complete opposite.

I'll have to think about this. I am feeling good - other than my ear plugged so maybe I can wait a little longer but I feel like I am playing a little russian roulette with my condition and the time that is passing. Pray that I get some direction as to what to do.

In the meantime, since I can't do ANYTHING until next week - I may as well enjoy this holiday week and try and relax a little. This is all out of my hands so why ponder on so many 'unknowns', right???

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight." - Reggie White

No reason to ask 'why' God chose me to go through this. There are things on my journey that have come full circle and as I said in my first entry on this blog, I don't think I would change a thing. What I have inspired to others (as I have been told) - I have received right back.

I might not write everyday this week.......hang in there with me and have a GREAT THANKSGIVING with your loved ones, friends and/or family!!!

Hugs!
Rachelle

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A new week...

Well, ready for another week and I am trying not to be discouraged because I know A LOT of people take this week off of work. So please pray that I at least get some answers I need to move forward with my situation.

I went and visited Dr. Won today in San Clemente. There is so much to say about this wonderful human being. He is a holistic doctor I saw right after my diagnosis and he has helped me to detox my body and get it really healthy. I did a super strict diet (and when I say 'diet' - it's not a lose weight diet, it's a 'get healthy' diet) for about 8 months. It was one of the hardest things I ever did because I basically had to cut out anything that tasted good!! :) I really believe that had I not done his 'plan,' I certainly wouldn't be doing as well as I am today. His website is posted as 'one of my favorites' on my blog. He has done some pretty miraculous things with some very sick patients and I will forever be grateful to him. We talked about my diet and I am back on a strict diet and his herbs (which I call "liquid gold" but unfortunately taste like a#$!!) :( I keep telling him he would have more patients if his herbs tasted more like chocolate milk! Those of you who I have introduced to Dr. Won and have been on his plan - you know what I am talking about!!!! :) UGH!!!
So, I can suck up nasty herbs for a month. It'll help get my body healthy for radiation treatments and flush out all those nasty toxins quicker. Thank you Dr. Won and Grace (his beautiful sister that works with him) - you rock!!!

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt." - random strength affirmation

NO doubts! All positive thoughts for this week to come. Thanks to all of you who have posted comments on my blog - you fire me up and keep me moving forward!!!

Hugs!!
Rachelle

Friday, November 20, 2009

Let the games begin...

Well, we did receive a response - obviously not one I wanted to hear. Next week I need to do some MORE things to try and get this resolved. In the meantime, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget this whole thing. BUT - I have come this far and can't let this B.S. stuff get to me. So, I had a pity-party for myself with a neighbor since my hubby is at the FD (thanks Christina!) and few glasses of wine and I am feeling better and ready to move on ( I guess this would be like 'pity-party' #8 or something??) Who's counting anyway and does it matter??!!

I can't go into all the details but as of right now, I basically haven't heard anything that is going my way. It's mentally exhausting, to say the least. And of course, I get this news at around 4:30 - just as everyone I now need to contact is leaving their office for the weekend. How convienant.

So, another weekend will pass and I will be in 'warrior' mode on Monday! AGAIN!
I decided to look up "Don't give up quotes/affirmations." I still have faith and trust that the good Lord will keep me strong during the next few weeks and will protect my hearing.

Today's Daily Affirmations:
"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." - Dale Carnegie

"When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." - Author Unknown

And I think this one suits me best!
"Perserverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." - Newt Gingrich

Now ain't that the f'ing truth...

Hugs -
Rachelle

Thursday, November 19, 2009

No news yet...

Haven't heard anything yet. If Sharp mailed something on our deadline (which was yesterday), I "should" get something by tomorrow.
If not, here comes the weekend and more time of waiting. I think if we don't hear anything, we are going to start the grievance process with the State.

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"You can look at the glass as half-empty or half-full. And the minute you start looking at it as half-full, all the glasses around you start to get fuller. This seems simplistic but it's the way the law of attraction works. Focusing on what's "full" will bring more good things into your life!" - Dr. Christiane Northrup

I can surely hang in there a few more days - this daily affirmation reminds me to keep focusing on what 'is' full in my life!!!
Happy Friday!
Rachelle

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One more day...

No letters, no calls from my attorney today. So......I guess tomorrow will be it!
Obviously I am anxious to see where this goes. I am doing o.k. - much better than last week!!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." - Philipians 4:13

AMEN TO THAT! :)
Hugs and night!
Rachelle


Monday, November 16, 2009

No news is good news??

I am assuming no news is good news! :) I should hear something by Wednesday (that was the deadline we put) so we shall see!

My friend Holly posted a comment recently and told me I reminded her of Erin Brockovich! I take that as a HUGE compliment!! It empowered me even more! Thanks Holly!!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." - Arnold Schwarzenneger

OK - I know this affirmation was from the 'governator' - but I liked it!! :) I WILL NOT SURRENDER!!!
Hugs -
Rachelle


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Looking forward to a great week!!!

This week will be it.... I think I will know whether I am going to get anywhere with Sharp OR take it a step further (Dept. of Managed Healthcare). So, at least this week I will know where things will stand (hopefully!!).

I am feeling good (I keep saying that and I just hope I get some answers)...
Keep praying and sending me all of your comments/thoughts - LOVE THEM! :) They get me through these difficult times. I am blessed to have all of you in my life!!!

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"I expect great things to happen."
"I believe that my wishes will be fulfilled."
"I am surrounded by positive, healthy, loving people."
"Hope will always be my closest companion."
"The light at the end of my tunnel is my new beginning."
"Beautiful things are to come."
"Fundamentally all is well."
- Random 'hope' affirmations.

All IS well... Have a safe and great week!! :)
Hugs -
Rachelle

Friday, November 13, 2009

And another week passes...

This sucks, this sucks, this sucks....what else can I say?

There is a little 'back and forth' going on right now with Sharp but luckily my attorney is on top of things like white on rice and I should really know which way things will go next week. Seriously, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have an attorney right now (actually, I do...I'd be three sheets to the wind in a panic!).. :( So, I am grateful that our paths crossed and for his help!!!

I am doing o.k. - though I had a little meltdown the other day but once I got it out, I am right back on board! The waiting is just MUCH harder now than ever. I have come this far and can't back down - at all! I think having 'moments' here and there are me just being human. We can absolutely be strong but it can certainly be very hard at times.

My hearing in my right ear is feeling worse and that makes me nervous so I am trying not to think about it.

Today's Daily Affirmation:
My Destiny is Mine to Control.
"When you acquire enough inner peace to feel really positive about youself, it's almost impossible for you to be controlled and manipulated by anybody else." - Wayne Dyer

I also LOVE this one....I have posted it before but need to again:
'I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing is impossible to you.'- Matthew 17:20.

I have faith and I won't let this get the best of me. I am almost there, I can feel it.

Have a great weekend!!!
Hugs -
Rachelle


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Little bump in the road but still plugging away...

I received a letter from Sharp that they received my appeal and they are reviewing it. A little bump in the road, some language in the letter I am not too familiar with so my attorney is handling it (what would I do without him??!!). I am grateful for all his help!!!!

My friend Nancy sent this yesterday. She is an inspiration to me and is currently fighting breast cancer (you rock lady and looked amazing yesterday!!!!).
I LOVED this - especially the saying, "I can bend to any wind and remain unbroken!" Thanks so much Nanc - hugs!!
Night :)
Rachelle

Today's Daily Affirmation:

Bend, Don’t Break, with the Wind

11/3/09 at 06:30 am | 15 Comments

BY DR. WAYNE W. DYER

Having lived by the ocean for many years, I’ve observed the strength and beauty of the tall palm trees that grow at the water’s edge. These stately giants are able to withstand the hurricane-force winds that uproot and destroy many larger, older, and more majestic trees. What is the palm trees’ secret to staying in one piece through huge, devastating storms? They bend almost down to the ground at times, and it’s that ability that allows them to survive. The Tao invites us, too, to be resilient, elastic, and pliant when we face the powerful winds that are part of life. When destructive energy comes along, allow yourself to resist brokenness by bending. Look for times when you can make the choice to weather a storm by allowing it to blow through without resistance. How does this work? Be willing to adapt to whatever may come your way by initially allowing yourself to experience that potentially destructive energy, much like the bending tree in the hurricane. When criticism comes, listen. When powerful forces push you in any direction, bow rather than fight, lean rather than break, and allow yourself to be free from a rigid set of rules—in doing so, you’ll be preserved and unbroken. Keep an inner vision of the wind symbolizing difficult situations as you affirm: I have no rigidity within me. I can bend to any wind and remain unbroken. I will use the strength of the wind to make me even stronger and better preserved.

Namaste,

Wayne



Monday, November 9, 2009

And the anxiety kicks in.... :(

UGH!!! It's only been what, 3 days, and my stomach is churning this morning! :(
I know 'someone' is or has read it and it's in their hands as to what 'they' are going to do... I was pretty distracted all weekend so I didn't think about it much but today it's a different story. I think because it's "Monday" and I KNOW someone will have received it and is thinking, "DENIED" or "Hmmm, maybe we shouldn't mess with this lady!" - of course I am hoping it's the "DON'T MESS WITH ME!!" :)

Good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts!!!

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"I am responsible for the Day I Create for Myself - The choice is up to you. It can either by "Good morning, God!" or "Good God - morning!"

I just wrote my blog and then "JUST" saw this daily affirmation online. How ironic I came across this? So........I chose to believe and have faith - NO more stomach churning and no doubts!!! Things will be just fine.

Have a great Monday! :)
Rachelle


Saturday, November 7, 2009

And the waiting begins...

I talked to my attorney yesterday and he sent my appeal with his cover letter to Sharp (over-night mail). He said they should receive it today and we should hear something by mid-next week. I don't know if 'people' are working in that office over the weekend but regardless, I should still hear something next week.

OK - I feel relaxed but a little anxious at the same time. I am NOT trying to think of all the 'what if's' - waste of mental energy, right??!! So, I won't even go there!!

Today was a great day with some ol' friends who are in town. Austin spent all morning w/Aunt Juanita and cousins Harrison and James at the "Thomas the Train" REAL train ride up in the Temecula area (like HEAVEN for him!!) :) . Both babies are in bed now and I am just going to relax! Tomorrow it's b-day party for my god-daughter Sabrina and then BBQ at our house w/our friends that are in town.

This is the FIRST, most 'relaxing' weekend I have had in a LONG time. Let's hope things continue to stay at this pace. PRAYERS, PRAYERS, PRAYERS!!!!! :) :) Thanks so much to EVERYONE for all your love, support, thoughts, positive energy and prayers!!! I appreciate it so much!!

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"I know I am worth healing." - Louis Hay

Wow - what a short, simple, powerful statement. Good things are coming, I can feel it.

Night and have a GREAT weekend!!
Rachelle


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Tomorrow is it!!!

Tomorrow my attorney will send off my appeal with his cover letter.
I think it looks good as a package and I am pleased with the outcome.

Did I tell you that the attorney is doing his initial work pro-bono (aka: FREE!)??!!!
He is such a NICE man and I don't know why he picked 'my case' to do pro-bono but I am extremely GRATEFUL to him for his expertise and help! We should hear something sometime next week. Soooooooooooooooo, FINGERS CROSSED!!! I am going to enjoy the weekend and NOT think about this at all! It's not in my hands anymore and I really have done ALL that I could possibly do for this.

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." - Albert Einstein

I have learned SO MUCH about this whole process. Insurance plans, policies, referrals, in and out of network stuff, my diagnosis, experts opinions, traditional vs. Cyberknife radiology - A LOT! I have learned the rules of my game..............only time will tell what cards will be dealt next.

"I gotta feeling........" - that next week will be better than this one! :)

NIGHT!
Rachelle

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ahhhhhhh.....

I actually felt just a sigh of 'relief' today. No phone calls, follow-ups, etc.... I have been 'go, go, go' for so long it seems and it was nice today where I just had a day with a little bit of a 'load' off of me.

And now the waiting begins and it's going to be hard but today I just felt a sense of 'peace' over me. That everything was going to be o.k.. It's weird but I have had these visualizations of me up at Stanford for treatment. I don't know what they mean but this sense of calmness I think is trying to tell me something.

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what passed and you will ask yourself..."How did I get through all of that?" - random hope affirmation

I am waiting for that 'laugh' - (smile)...

Night!!




Monday, November 2, 2009

Trust, believe and have faith...

I gave my appeal to my attorney today. I know it's ready and I know it's good. I have done my homework on this one and I hope that 'whoever' gets it at Sharp sees that and sees my argument as to 'why' I need that treatment.

It's scary and again, the waiting is going to be the hard part. The attorney said he should have it turned in by the end of the week. So, I should hear something next week sometime (since I asked for an Expedited 72 hr response).

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!! It's out of my hands now and I put my heart and soul into it so I have to believe that it will pay off.

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"My job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible." - random belief affirmation

I have done what 'is' possible - fighting for what I believe is the right thing, not giving up and exhausting all possible avenues of attack. I was feeling pretty tired today and just want this to be done. Now it's time to give it to God and to NOT WORRY! Through Him, ALL things are possible!!!

Night :)
Rachelle


Sunday, November 1, 2009

This is it!!!

Tomorrow I meet with the attorney and then he will do a cover letter with my appeal and send it in. I am SO glad to be to this point but like I said a few days ago, it makes me very nervous too. The 'waiting' this week is going to be a killer so send me some positive thoughts, emails, affirmations, prayers - anything!!! I appreciate all of them! :)

Since I am requesting a 'speedy' grievance, I am hoping to find out by next week (at the lastest) so we'll see!

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"I truly believe that we are here to bless and prosper each other. I reflect this belief in my daily interactions." - Louis Hay

This is sooooo true. As much as you have learned from me, I have learned much more through you. I am feeling quite blessed!!!

Night and hugs!
Rachelle