Happy Halloween!!!

It was a fun day! First of all - I cleaned out our garage (oh my gosh - when you add another child to the family it seems that 'things' will accumulate very fast!!)......

So, a trip to the dump, Goodwill and taking things to 'families' homes made the day quite productive!

Then, we all got ready for Halloween. Chris was working today so he got to change districts with another engine so that he could see the babies all dressed up! :) They looked so cute and I thought that 'this' year would be the first year I could FINALLY trick or treat with Austin but NO!! The first kid to walk up to our porch had the 'SCREAM' mask on and after that, it was over. Austin had the 'death' grip on me and didn't want to go anywhere! Don't blame the kid, that mask freaks me out too! :( Poor guy, he was so scared.......

I really had to get his mind off of it before he went to bed so he wouldn't be scared all night! Oh well, maybe next year!! :)

I posted some pictures of the kids and all of us. It was ANOTHER beautiful day in sunny San Diego! Hope you all had a safe Halloween!

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I am grateful for all the things I have in my life, without them I wouldn't be where I am today." - random Grateful affirmation

So, so true...

Have a great Sunday!!!

Rachelle

A few more days! :(

I didn't meet with the attorney today. I was waiting for some information from one doctors office (I needed the number for the recent referral to Cyberknife) and I called the 'lady' at the office 4 times this week and she wouldn't call me back. So, I called the attorney to reschedule for this afternoon and he was busy so we are meeting Monday morning!! :( That's o.k. - a few days to just make sure it's 'perfect' - it already is but I got the neurosurgeon's report yesterday in the mail and he had written in it that 'they' (meaning the Head/Skull Tumor Board for radiation - or something) reviewed my scans and 'all' (like 6 different types of neurologists, otolaryngologists, radiation, oncologist)the physicians on this tumor board were on the same consensus that Cyberknife is the 'best' treatment for my condition. I LIKED THAT!! I didn't know he did that so I thought that was great - of course I added that to my appeal.

So, there IS a reason why that 'lady' didn't call me back! I apologized to her for calling her each day (she seemed quite annoyed) but I tried telling her how 'important' this information was to my appeal......she still seemed annoyed but until you are going through what "I" am going through, my emergency seems to be nobody else's but mine! But, I kept on her and got what I needed - and that's all that matters in the end, right???? BTW - the Cyberknife referral that he just put in (for San Diego) was denied too - no surprise there but it's on paper that he referred me and I just needed that.

So, until Monday, I am looking forward to a FUN Halloween weekend with my babies!! Camryn is going to be a cute little Koala and Austin - Thomas the Train! We'll see if he actually lets me put it on (he was screaming at the store when I attempted to do it there!!)..........ahhhh, the joys of these fun times!

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I control the width and depth of my life. I am behind the wheel and I can make my life what I want. I am specific about what I want. I spell it out. I commit to it and I do the footwork to make it happen. "

Oh my gosh? It's like it was written for me!

Have a fun and safe weekend!! :)

Rachelle

Almost there...

I meet with the attorney at 10:00 tomorrow. I will be giving him my appeal and he will do his thing and off it goes! :) I am glad that I am finally to 'this point' but also freaked out. You really only have one chance to appeal so if they deny it............

I guess I shouldn't even THINK that, huh??!! It's GOING to get approved!!!

I need to stay positive, help me here. It just can be reallllllllllyyyyyyyy hard sometimes! :(

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I remove doubt by suspending disbelief and sustaining belief." - random Trust affirmation

No doubts, no doubts, no doubts - "I gotta feeling........................." (my song! play it over and over again!) Things will work out. I am standing strong and will move this mountain!

God bless all of you!! :)

Hugs -

Rachelle

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!

OK - Appeal is just about done and I meet with the attorney on Friday to turn it all in.

Sooooooooo, I asked for a 'speedy' grievance -which means they have to respond within 72 hours. That means LOTS of prayers and good thoughts all of next week! It looks good - it's not too long but to the point. And then I am attaching the six or so clinical studies that Ms. Catherine (from Cyberknife) emailed me! She DID follow through and gave me a LOT of information!! I am so grateful to her!

I am also grateful to RONN!!! YOU ROCK!!! Ronn is part of my family..... AND he is a healthcare administrator who appeals to insurances a lot for payment. So, he helped me out - BIG TIME!! I am indebted to you Ronn - thanks so much for taking time out of your day to help me. :)

I am feeling that things are finally coming to an end - hopefully for good. This hard work has got to pay off - I am feeling good about it all and I am feeling strong with all of you by my side.

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"The most important thing is to not stop questioning." - Albert Einstein

I think this is one of my biggest strengths...........and I hope it will pay off.

HUGS to you all!! :)

Rachelle

Great contact today!!!

Today I just called the "Cyberknife" office itself. I am unfortunately not getting much help from the physicians up at Stanford. It's hard to go through like 2-3 different people to actually get what 'I' need from the doctor. There just seems to be a communication breakdown somewhere.

So, I called the source itself. A lady answered and I explained to her a little of my situation and she said immediately, "Oh, you need to speak to Catherine." So, I was transferred to Ms. Catherine, told her my situation and she started telling me ALL the things I needed to hear! She was TRULY a bright spot in my day!!! I feel like I hit the lottery after talking to her - seriously.

She was telling me stuff to put in my appeal, she asked to get Sharp's policy plan so that she could see what it said, she said she was going to do some research for me for any clinical studies or data that could help make my appeal stronger, etc......

Oh my gosh??!! Are you kidding me? I needed to talk to her like weeks ago and I don't know why I didn't contact them earlier but I really thought I would get info from the doctors offices. Note to self: Go to the source directly next time!!! Makes sense now, they have to have sales reps, etc....who try to convince people to get Cyberknife over the other types of radiation machines and that is exactly the info I need! We must have talked for like 45 minutes and she shared with me some stories of other patients who have had hard times. She also stated that there is an office in San Diego and the physician there has done like over 300 intracranial Cyberknife treatments - that's good to know. Some people might not understand but whether I go to San Diego's office or Stanford, it costs the same because it's 'out of network' for Sharp. Of course, I would have to pay for travel to Stanford but if I do get it approved, wouldn't you want the 'best' working on your head/brain?? Like I said before, if I had a 'common' tumor, it wouldn't matter but when you are dealing with mine (which consists of 1% of all brain tumors), it makes you want to be a little pickier in who is treating you (and rightfully so).

I just felt SO MUCH better after talking to her. Now, if you have read all my postings, you know that I have felt like this with others - and they didn't pan out. So, keep your fingers crossed. I really do think she will be able to help me. YEA!

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"All is well, and you will never get it done. Life is supposed to be fun. No one is taking score of any kind, and if you will stop taking score so much, you will feel a whole lot better --and as you feel a whole lot better, more of the things that you want right now will flow to you. You will never be in a place where all of the things that you are wanting will be satisfied right now, or then you could be complete--and you never can be. This incomplete place that you stand is the best place that you could be. You are right on track, right on schedule. Everything is unfolding perfectly. All is really well. Have fun. Have fun. Have fun!" - Abraham (of Abraham and Hicks)

I had to read this over like three times but I get it. It completely makes sense to me. I am on track and on schedule. It might not be in the time frame I want it to be but for some reason this is the way it has to be - and I accept that.

Have a GREAT Tuesday!!!

Hugs -

Rachelle

Laughter is the best medicine...

Hi everyone!

Sorry I haven't written in a few days but it has been a jam-packed weeekend!!

First off - me, the kids, my mom and Chris' parents all went to La Jolla shores on Friday to welcome Chris back from his 620 mile bike ride from San Francisco to San Diego. The Challenged Athletes Foundation (CAF) Qualcomm Million Dollar Challenge was finally at it's last day. It was really nice at the beach and the whole group rode in together. It was awesome and inspiring to see all of them cross that finish line! What a huge accomplishment - especially to those who did this amazing journey on a hand-cycle, with one leg/arm, etc... There was even a tandem bike who had a blind person sitting in the back and the front rider was their eyes for the journey. I am humbled, once again, by those who have had some difficult challenges in their life and have prevailed by not letting their situation stop them from living life to its fullest! Chris finished this race, 2 years and 4 months, from his near-fatal accident. I think if anyone ever doubted his ability to get back 100%, he just proved that it's possible. I am VERY proud of him and all those that rode with him as a team. CAF ROCKS!!!

Other than that, Friday was more phone calls and then working more on my appeal. I am planning on meeting with the attorney mid-week, giving him my appeal and then sending it off! I should know an answer in the next 1-2 weeks if Sharp will cover or deny my treatment. Start sending me some good energy and prayers (I know a lot of you do every day and I am GRATEFUL!!!!)

Now - as for "Laughter is the best medicine".......

This weekend was my 20th High School Reunion. GO EAGLES!! I was a 1989 graduate of San Pasqual High School in Escondido. If there is one thing I can say about the class I graduated with, it's one thing - we were quite a unique group. A lot of my friends I practically grew up with - kindergarten through our senior year. I have kept in touch with some of my really close friends but things like Facebook has really taken 'keeping in touch' to a whole new level. LOVE FB!!

Our class had a LOT of fun people. A lot of teachers hated us and some just 'got' us. We were quite a rowdy group but one thing was for sure - we had a blast.

So, Friday night was kind of the 'ice-breaker' party at my friend Andre's house. He hosted it at his parent's house (one I partied at many-a-time!). :) It was fun and I laughed quite a bit talking and catching up with some people. The night was surreal in some ways - it just brought you back to that 'time' and reminded me of so many fun times with a lot of cool people!

Saturday night was the more 'formal' event at the DoubleTree downtown (nice place) and that was fun too! Dancing, seeing a lot more faces and coming to the reality that I have been out of high school for 20 YEARS!! No way???!!! Boy does time fly...

I really needed this fun time - to forget about 'that darn thing in my head' and to just relax a little. Me, Kim, Cindy and Blair ( aka: The 4 BB's - Bad Brunettes - yes, totally dorky but we were in high school!!) all roomed together Saturday night and we had some good laughs - I LOVE YOU ladies!!! :) I also had several people come up to me and just wish me well, give me a big hug and/or tell me that I was in their prayers. I know I have said this before but it really, truly humbles me when I am overcome by such kindness. Thanks so much to all of you out there who are helping me through this and I really mean this when I say that I can 'feel' all your love and support around me!! THANK YOU! :)

So the weekend came and went - another 10 years have come and gone and we'll all do it again in 2019! Sunday was relaxing (ok - not much sleep and some drinking do not go well w/this lady anymore! I feel old!!) :( Chris and I took the babies to the beach and just hung out. If you were in San Diego on Sunday, you would know that the weather was just absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! I love this town!! Back to healthy eating and focusing on my mission! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible to you." - Matthew 17:20.

"I gotta feeling........" (you know, my theme song) :) - mountains will be moving in the next few weeks. Stay strong with me and my victory will also be yours.

Hugs and good-night!

Rachelle

YEA!!!

My rib dislodged last night and I was in SO much pain most of the night (this has been a chronic problem for about 8 months now). Any of you who have had this knows it feels like you are having the BIG ONE (heart attack) - it literally feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest! And then for some reason around 2:00am I totally puked my guts out?? WTF??!! OK - puking with a dislodged rib is REALLY painful!! Brain tumor, rib problem and then puking...............enough now!!

Luckily, I woke up totally feeling fine (still don't know why I puked!) and my rib finally released and popped back in so I woke up good to go - other than being tired........

I have business to do today so I need to be on my "A" game! :)

Went to visit the neurosurgeon today (the one who originally 'told me' to go get a consult up at Stanford and that CYBERKNIFE is what he would recommend). So, I showed up early and as I walked in he saw me and I saw him and I thought, "Hmmm...he must be thinking I am the wack-nut faxing him all these hysteric requests!" So, I took a deep breath, went into the room and sat down and waited. I was totally getting all tense and ready for my 'defense' tactic but then I thought, I just have to be me. I have to show him that I am one of his patients who needs his help.

He walked in, greeted me and basically I said, " I am here because I need your help." I told him about Stanford (that both doctors agreed with him) and that I want to get Cyberknife done and I need his help to get me there. He said he was really surprised to get the reports from Stanford not even a week from our last appt. (obviously he doesn't know who they are messing with)!! He was very kind and appeared to by sympathetic to my situation. From that visit I got a referral to a Cyberknife office in San Diego and just him re-iterating again that that IS the best treatment for my condition. YAHOO!! TWO FOR TWO!! Of course, the Cyberknife referral will get denied but hey - now I will have THREE doctors stating (in reports) that this really is the BEST treatment for me. My appeal just got stronger.

I was on like cloud 9 leaving his office. I am not giving up!!! Thanks for the extra prayers today!!! God is good!!! "For with God nothing will be impossible." (Luke 1:37).

Today's Daily Affirmation (one of my favorite from the bible):

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." - Phillippians 4:13

And I will.

HUGS! :)

Rachelle

Bear with me! :)

OK - I keep changing my 'blog' title picture. Trying to find the right one that shows the text in the background!! All these pictures I took in Maui - my absolute favorite place on this earth. No stress, relaxing and not a care in the world!!!

Lots of prayers today (please!!) :) - see last posting if you haven't yet!!

HUGS! :)

Rachelle

Need LOTS of prayers tomorrow!!!

Hey everyone!! First of all - my Fundraiser was a BIG success (Peter and Kim - you guys rock!!!!) I don't know how they pulled it off in such a short time but they had awesome auction gifts, great food, drinks, Bali-Hai room w/dowtown view (awesome!) and I think around 60-70 people that showed up! Kim told me today that she believes we raised around $8K!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??!! This will definitely help with future medical costs, out of pocket expenses already paid, trips to Stanford, etc...!!! I am still in awe and couldn't believe it.......thanks to EVERYONE who was a part of it, was there in spirit, donated items, etc..... I have received some amazing things from family, friends, co-workers and people I have NEVER met and it really has touched my heart in more ways than you will ever know. I am completely humbled and grateful! Kim and Peter and to all those that helped them - THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! XOXO

OK - I need LOTS of prayers for tomorrow. At 1:30, I am meeting with the neurosurgeon (contracted through Sharp) who originally told me that he would recommend Cyberknife and getting an opinion at Stanford. Soooooooo, since I cannot get a hold of him through his secretary and she doesn't quite understand 'my' urgency, I am going to see him! I REALLY do think he holds a big 'key' to my puzzle. Because if 'he' refers me for Cyberknife, it will be much stronger for my appeal (even if Sharp denies it). Because if it is denied, it just shows that 'my' primary recommended me going to Stanford, this doctor supports the treatment, etc...

If you ever are going to win an appeal, your doctors need to be on board with you (from what I have heard/learned). So PLEASE send good vibes, positive energy and prayers my way around that time!! Pray for the doctor, pray that I say the right things and 'stay calm' (ok - that is getting harder to do these days!) and that things go my way - yes , my way dang it!! I think it's time I hear some good news?? HUH??!!!!

I will also be working a little more on my appeal. STILL waiting for any literature from Stanford (again, the waiting is a killer). Note to self: "Must make phone calls to the same people again tomorrow!! They must really be loving "Rachelle from San Diego!!" :)

My hubby has survived his first 3 days on his ride! YEA!! There have been a few accidents so some extra prayers for him and his fellow riders!! Today, Team Slipstream Garmin had 4 riders riding along their route today (and then I think they had dinner with them this evening)....cool! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I have the strength and determination to get me to the place that I desire to be." - random 'strength affirmation'

And that place is STANFORD!! Here I come!! :)

HUGS TO EVERYONE!

Rachelle

PS - There are several of you that have emailed me - I will try and get back to you tomorrow (sorry, busy day!) :( I also need some comments posted on my blog! Send me your thoughts, prayers, wishes, etc.......it MAKES ME STRONG! :) Thanks!!

Another journey in the family...

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday....a little busy and last night I hung out with some neighbors and we ended up chatting away and drinking some vino until late at night (too late in fact.....can't do that anymore when I have babies that wake up around 6:00 in the morning!!) Chris isn't here to help me out so I was dying this morning!! :(

Speaking of Chris my hubby.......today was the first day (of seven) that he started the Qualcomm Million Dollar Challenge with the Challenged Athletes Foundation (CAF).

He is embarking on a journey himself. One that will show others that there is triumph over tragedy. The Qualcomm Million Dollar Challenge is an unforgettable seven-day, 620-mile journey down the California coastline from San Francisco to San Diego. The money raised from this race will help towards the payment of handcycles, racing chairs, sports chairs and sports prosthetics for challenged athletes, as well as helping to subsidize for competitions and training expenses. It's an awesome foundation.

In case you didn't know, my husband suffered a near-fatal head injury, a little over 2 years ago on June 30, 2007 - when Austin was just 9 weeks old. I will never forget that day........ Chris was playing on a co-ed indoor/soccer team and it was just 'another' game. I was home with our newborn and received a call that I thought would change my life forever.

My dear friend Rian (who played on the team with Chris) called and said that something terrible had happened. That Chris was playing, fell and hit the wall with his head and was being taken to Palomar Trauma Center. Well, it doesn't help that when you were a paramedic and she was describing some of the symptoms he displayed that in that moment I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I remember calling my neighbor - screaming and crying - and asking that they come watch Austin so that I could get to the hospital. She came over right away (love you Tania!) and off I went. Thank God for my other neighbor Christina - who calmed me down so that I could actually 'make it' to the hospital (ok - my neighbors are AWESOME!!). :) Looking back, I should NOT have driven myself there but I made it safely. So, when I got to the ER, and saw my husband laying on the trauma bed with blood pouring out of his ear, I just about died. When the Trauma doctor started saying he sustained a 'coup - contra- coup' head injury with bruising on the brain - I knew it wasn't good. So, as I lost it and started bawling he walked over and said, "Don't worry - your husband will be fine." And from then on, it was about 6 months - 1 year of recovery.

Chris doesn't remember what happened (still to this day) and he doesn't really remember the first month after his accident. The doctors said that the reason why he made it through that accident was because he was in SUCH good shape. He had JUST finished running the last 3 academies at the Fire Department and was, really, in the best shape since I had first met him. Had he not been in such good condition, the outcome could have been very, very different.

So, about 7 months ago, I got an email about the Qualcomm Million Dollar Challenge. Chris was trying out different sports because the doctors told him that he really couldn't do 'contact' type sports again - if he got another blow to his head, the 'next time' could be fatal. He had been doing spin classes at the gym to get back in shape and so I mentioned this ride to him. And he looked it over and signed right up. Granted, he had never ridden a bike maybe more than like 25 miles before this but I will tell you one thing.....just a few weeks ago, Floyd Landis (Tour De France winner 3 years ago - but yes, got it stripped for doping) rode with them on one of their training rides and Chris was with him the whole time. Most of you that know Chris know that he is a VERY talented athlete. So, to see him get to this 'pace' in just a short time is pretty cool.

I am glad he did this - it's been quite a journey for him to get to where he is and I couldn't be prouder. Many doubted him even going back to work and within a year of his accident, he took the Captain's test and finished in the top 5 out of about 80 applicants. DAMN! He was born to be a firefighter and obviously this accident wasn't going to stop him from continuing to pursue his goals in the fire service.

Today he finished his first day - San Francisco to Santa Cruz (86 miles) and tomorrow it's from Santa Cruz to Big Sur. He told me how inspired 'he' is by athletes that are riding next to him using handcycles and with prosthetics. Can you imagine doing a handcycle from SF to SD? That's just amazing!! I am proud of you Chris and so are your babies!! YOU ROCK!! :)

As far as tumor news - phone calls, phone calls, phone calls on Friday. Followed up again with a couple different doctors. This one doctor in San Diego hasn't called me back and his secretary doesn't quite understand 'what' I am asking him to do. So, what do you do when this happens?? Make an appointment to meet him face to face! That's what I did!! So, I am sure I will get more answers when I see him next Tuesday! :) Where there's a will, there's a way - right??

Have a great weekend!! Tomorrow is my fund-raiser (still feel weird about that whole thing) and I am in AWE of what Kim and her hubby have gotten in just a few weeks (for silent auction items) - you both are the bomb!!! Go to www.rachellebabler.com to check out the items - it's fricking amazing!!!!! Thanks to everyone that has helped out, donated an item or have made donations and last but not least, for the daily prayers and positive energy. I am making it through this because of you!

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"The exceptional patient is the person who, despite their diagnosis, takes charge of their health and decides to be responsible to their illness or their condition and not necessarily feel responsible for it. One stance is drenched in blame and the other is full of power." - Dr. Christiane Northrup

I am definitely feeling empowered - everyday!

Night :)

Rachelle

A bright spot in my day! :)

Babies are better, I am getting more sleep and feeling stronger each day! :)

Today, I got a call from the attorney I consulted with. He looked over all of my information and said that he would represent me. I am excited to work with him - he is a very nice man. Can't get into too many details yet about this but his conversation, we'll say, was a BRIGHT spot in my day!!! :)

Of course, I followed that up with my 'usual' phone calls to the 'same' people up at Stanford AND here in San Diego. I did get the estimate for treatment at Sharp ( I knew it would be substantially less but that's because it's in 'in-service' type treatment). But that's o.k. - it's STILL a lot. I also talked to Stanford about sending me some info and then I called the Cyberknife guru doctor himself to send me whatever info he might have. You have to keep following up with all these people to get what YOU want. They are going to be so glad to one day never hear from "Rachelle from San Diego" (that is what I say whenever I call them!) :)

So, more progress. If you keep insisting for answers, you WILL get them!

Today's Daily Affirmation (Lord knows I have said this MANY times in my life):

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference."

AMEN!!!!

Night -

Rachelle

Candy anyone???

First off, I have to warn you if you haven't already done this. DO NOT buy Halloween candy until like the day before! I went to Costco to get my 'usual' necessities, saw the huge bags of Halloween candy and thought, "Hmm, I better get some now because I will forget to later" - BIG mistake. I am looking at that BIG bag and it has suddenly dwindled down....

Why?? Well, I opened it up the other day because what happens when we feel crappy?We eat or drink something to instantly make us feel better!! Well, the Milky Ways in that bag were calling my name and I thought that I would just tear off a little corner of the bag and have ONE. NOT!! Then Chris noticed it was open and now I am finding candy wrappers throughout the house. So, tonight I stapled, taped it shut and put it out of site. Out of site, out of mind, right??? I have been SO GOOD with my eating (really) - for 6-8 months when I went on Dr. Won's detox, I didn't eat any sugar, caffeine, dairy, alcohol - just to name a few things. So, I got used to it. But it's funny how if you have ONE piece of chocolate, those cravings come back instantly!

Just shows how weak I am in that department!! :) But I quickly reminded myself that I have to stick to my 'health' diet and that I need to prepare myself for radiation treatments. The healthier you are going through treatments like that, I believe the better your body will tolerate and shake off the side affects. So, I am back on track! :)

Now onto my tumor topic!

Got a call today from "Jennifer" with the Oncology/Radialogy department - YEA! She told me that she sent an email to the radiology/oncology physician to get me ANY info on their treatment vs. what Sharp suggested (plus, the difference in machines). I told her to not hate me because I will be bugging her about information and stuff and she said, "Don't worry, just remember you aren't in this alone." I thought that was so sweet and it made me feel good. For some reason today I felt REALLY strong - like some warrior who is going to fight this to the end - and win! I think my sense of strength seriously comes from all the prayers and good energy being sent my way. I have gotten emails from people I don't even know and they have been so inspiring to me! I am also getting emails from friends on suggestions regarding my insurance, treatment, etc... KEEP EM' COMING! :) Thanks for thinking of me - I really do appreciate it!

I also got my first bill from Stanford - ouch...........

I only have to pay for 'half' right now because the other half is 'pending' with my insurance but I am pretty sure I thought it was denied (and I STILL haven't gotten anything in the mail - just from my doctor).

In case you are wondering, or if you ever have to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion, here is what I came across:

- Physician consult in San Diego (for 2nd and 3rd opinions) - ranged from $200-$400 for an appointment.

-Physician consult at Stanford - $800 for an appointment - PER DOCTOR.

I am NOT complaining. If you want answers, yes, you might have to pay for them but I am SO glad I have gotten several different opinions - especially with my rare tumor. Some tumors are so common and treated all the time that you may feel comfortable with the first doctor you see. But the first doctor I saw made me want to run away fast. He looked more puzzled than I did when he was looking at my MRI - NOT a good sign!!! Those consults helped me to figure out what treatment is BEST for me. Some insurance companies will also pay for an outside consult (I think depending on what it is). Sharp did pay for my consult to UCSD.

And don't ever feel bad for telling a doctor you are getting a 2nd or 3rd opinion. Most of them welcomed it and after my consults, they were also interested in what the 'others' had to say. When I first got diagnosed, I emailed a doctor up at Stanford and said, "Can you recommend the two best doctors for my condition - in San Diego," and he did and they were the first I saw. One of the doctors (who was a Kaiser doctor), did my consult for free. Of course, I couldn't see him (he can only see Kaiser patients) but I dropped everything off and then he called me and gave me his opinion. I thought that was very commendable of him. So, yes, you might come across one that will just do it to help.

The purpose of my blog is not only to update you on my daily journey, but let you know what I am going through - in every way. I hope NONE of you have to experience this but reality is, some of us or someone we love may have a serious diagnosis throughout our lifetime. So, I hope this information is something that might help you in the future.

Remember, you CAN get the best treatment by the BEST doctor. You just have to insist on it, believe that you can - and it will happen.

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"Love is all I need to fix my world!" - Louis Hay

I feel your love and it strengthens me everyday!! Thanks for walking w/me on my journey.

HUGS!

Rachelle

More phone calls.....surprised???

Hi everyone!

After I worked all day, I got on the horn (phone) and made my 'usual' round of calls. Stanford actually called me (yea!) and gave me the doctors email so that I can request any literature/data, etc.. that I need for my appeal. I also sent a fax to my primary physician to see if she could set up a 'peer to peer' call w/the Stanford doctor and a physician in the appeals office. I don't know if this will EVER happen but the Stanford doctor is more than willing to give his stance on my situation, but they need to call him (his nurse explained to me why and it makes sense but just makes things harder for me). So, I did my part now it's................you know....................the waiting!!!!!!!

I am working on my appeal - that seems to get harder and harder each day. I keep changing it so tomorrow I am going to go over it, AGAIN, and just stick to the facts! I have to take the emotional part out of it because really, they don't care about that. They only care about things that could bite them in the butt later, so I have to stay focused on the facts. One of my AWESOME 'followers' is going to look it over for me because he is AWESOME at writing things like this (thanks Ronn!!!) :) Then after that, off to the attorney before I send it in.

My little man is SO much better!! He finally slept through the night last night without waking! Some people ask me how I keep plugging away at this and stay strong and I will tell you that A LOT has to do with sleep. When my kids are NOT sick, they are the best sleepers. If my little Camryn wasn't sleeping the way she was from early on (12hrs/night at 12 weeks), I KNOW I would be handling ALL of this quite differently!!! Austin has always been a good sleeper too - all because of the '3 Day Sleep Solution!' Davis Erhler's program ROCKS!! After my husband's near-fatal accident, I called Davis to help me get Austin on a good sleeping/napping schedule. I really needed help because not only did I have a newborn, but a very sick husband.

She changed my life. Austin was 9 weeks when Chris had his head injury and after the first night I talked to her, he was sleeping 10hrs - then 12... I could not believe it. So, I handled that tragic time MUCH better because "I" was able to sleep and get some rest. Same with my situation now. I found out about my brain tumor when Camryn was 11 weeks old - and she was sleeping almost 12 hrs/night. It made the BIGGEST difference! I don't know where I would be had I not found Davis (thanks Kim)!!! You really are the best and I vote YOU for President! :) You can check out her website on my 'favorites' list (right side of my blog). Can't wait to see you Sunday! :)

Tomorrow I am home with the babies. Mom is out of town and no one to watch them all day. It'll be fun to just hang out at home and snuggle in this cool weather! I LOVE Fall!!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"Today, I choose to focus on Life's small gifts,

a touch, a smile, a fragrance.

Today, I choose the Good that Life has to offer." - Laura Dolson

Many lessons learned through all this!!! I am a better person for it, I am more grateful for the small gifts in my life and I look forward for all that is to come.

Have a great night and SLEEP WELL!!!!! :)

Rachelle

Tissue anyone??

This family is going through a TON of tissue!! First Austin and me, then Chris and little Ms. Camryn is the only standing warrior!! :)

As most of you know (from my previous posts), my little man was not doing so well this week. I took him into the doctor yesterday (asking for meds this time) because I felt like he had croup (and he does) and 3 weeks is more than just a 'virus.' They swabbed his nose to test for different strands of the flu. The antibiotics haven't kicked in yet and after his nose 'swab', it seemed like his nose just started draining like crazy! My poor little man.....he is such a good sport when he is sick. At least I know that he should be getting better in a few days. My husband had to work several days in a row and he got it too.........well, I guess it's better we all get it at the same time and then be done with it....right?

Yesterday I just took Austin to the doctors and then finished up several follow-up phone calls. I called the doctor up at Stanford and they did receive my 'help-me' fax. :) The other physician too (the neurosurgeon contracted by Sharp who actually 'told me' to go up there)..........I really need him to back me up and put a referral to Stanford too. I am sure they will all get denied but the more on paper, the better.

I have written my appeal, over and over, and I keep changing it. I need it to be one strong appeal and I am waiting for Stanford to send me some hard facts/statistics/whatever as to 'why' their procedure is better than Sharps. If you are doing any type of appeal, you really do need solid, supporting evidence to back up your request. I am definitely going for the 'wow' factor. :)

Today was spent at home, couped up with a bunch of sickies! :) The weather is sooooooo nice right now!! I love Fall and can't wait for this holiday season! Before the end of the year, my goal is to be DONE with treatments and on the mend!!! I want a 'tumor free' life for 2010 and ever after!!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I find it easy to accept my condition exactly the way it is right now, because I know that it is the perfect starting point for creating health." - random healing affirmation

I would have to agree that it does get easier to accept my condition, it's the 'waiting' for treatment that has been the real challenge. I don't think I would be as strong without all of your support!!!

This last week was better than the last and I am just telling myself that it's going to get better and better.

Have a great Sunday!!!

Hugs.. :)

Rachelle

A productive day makes this lady happy!!! :)

Today seemed pretty productive........although I am still exhausted (last night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be), I got to do a lot of follow-up calls, see an attorney and organize my desk at home. My cold/cough actually felt a LOT better today so I am think I am finally on the mend! YEA! :)

Finished up my 'notebook' for the attorney. Made copies of all my medical records, physicians reports, info on my tumor, Cyberknife (Stanford machine) vs. Brainlab (Sharp machine) info, etc.... It was all organized with tabs for my 'timeline', doctors, tumor info, all the 'tests' I have had, MRI/CT, etc.... The notebook just keeps growing!

The attorney I met with specializes in health insurance. He knows quite a bit about dealing with them. So, we went over my situation and discussed details of all that's been going on. He was a very nice man. My intention of my visit today was to just see what possible 'chance' I had in dealing with my insurance company. I am not looking to have an attorney fight this for me, right now. In time, I will know more of what I need to do (or not do). It was a good meeting and I felt like I got some really good information from him.

Did some other phone calls and finally talked to Connie from the SD Brain Tumor Foundation. She gave me a lot of info and is sending me some paperwork to apply for a grant from them. They can give up to $2-4K in grant money to go towards medical bills. It ALL adds up!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"I am grateful for the gift of possessing inner strength.

I am able to face any struggle with the love that emits from my heart." - unknown author

I do feel that even though each day seems to be a major challenge, my inner strength does get stronger and stronger. Things are coming together, slowly but surely.

Night! :)

Rachelle

Need some sleep - BAD!!!

Was up (again) last night with Austin. Poor little guy....had a cold a few weeks ago, got over it and now a relapse! :( He gets the most wicked coughs I have ever heard. And of course, there isn't much you can do with this other than let it ride out. So, I have been up 3 nights w/him (as "I" am trying to get over my cold too) and now as I am writing this, I can hear little Ms. Camryn coughing and sneezing - UGH! I guess another sleepless night........................

THANK GOD FOR OUR MOMS! My mom came to my rescue this morning. She was going to watch the kids while I went to work but there was NO way I could even drive my car unless I got a little more sleep. So, when she showed up, she watched the kids and I went back to bed. Only slept an hour (but hey, when you are mom - that is A LOT!) and then got up to get stuff ready for the attorney. Went to my primary doctors office to get copies of reports/records, etc.... Then I worked on putting a 'notebook' together for the attorney. Basically it was my notebook that I started awhile back but a duplicate for him. The more organized you are and you have it all ready for them, I do think that if you end up hiring an attorney, it can save you some $$$.

Anway, I was getting all this stuff ready and realized I needed more time. What's really important to an attorney is a 'timeline.' As in, a 'timeline of events' that have occurred since the beginning of the 'problem.' So, I had to update my 'timeline' - which took me a few hours because it's best to be as accurate as possible. So, I had to go back to reports and refer to exact dates of when I met 'who' and who said 'what' about my condition. So, it's almost 11:00pm and NOW I feel like I am ready to meet him! :)

I am meeting the attorney tomorrow and we'll see what happens!!! Say prayers that it goes well!!!

I also faxed a letter to the doctor from Sharp who 'told me' to get a consult up at Stanford. Of course that little bit of information was not in his report so I told him that I took his advice, went up there and that I now need him to send me a referral up to Stanford for treatment (I also sent him a copy of the Stanford doctors' report). We'll see what happens with that.

Then of course, I faxed a request to the doctor up at Stanford (that I want to treat me) and basically said, "HELP!". I asked that he do a peer to peer w/Sharp (meaning he speaks to a physician in the referral dept. on my behalf), that he appeal or he also puts in a referral for me to be treated at Stanford. I am not sure which one they do first, etc...but just basically told him I needed his help to get up there. We'll see what happens with that too.

I am still 'here' but at least I feel the ball is rolling - the question is, which direction is it going to lead me too...

Although it was hectic today (mainly because I was soooooo tired), I feel like I am moving forward. So, that is good in my world. :)

Today's daily affirmation is a biblical one:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

Proverbs 3:5-6

I guess this means I shouldn't think ahead about which way the ball will roll. I have to have faith that trusting God will take me where I need to go.

AMEN!

Rachelle :)

DENIED! No surprise here...

Well, I got the 'formal' denial today from Sharp. Called my doctors office because I hadn't gotten anything in the mail and it seems like it's been months since she turned it in. Her nurse said it was denied and she was going to fax me a copy (since I need to see the reasons why and get on my appeal or on my next plan of action).

I knew it was coming but I still cried. I just know I have a lot of work ahead of me and really - who needs to deal with all this when you have a tumor growing in your head! :(

So, remember my Plan A, B, C & D? Well, I went straight to Plan D today! I called an attorney and am meeting with him tomorrow. Not that I am not going to do the others but remember, they ALL take time. So, while I work on A, B & C - Plan D will already be underway (and I 'may' not even need that - hopefully!!).

More phone calls tomorrow and I'll be anxious to hear what this attorney has to say (at least I will know if I have a chance or not). Tomorrow's just a consult so no money going into that - yet...

I told you a few days back that this would be a week of answers and I think it will.

I will be calling the doctor up at Stanford tomorrow to have him call my insurance down here for a referral request or appeal (don't know which applies but doesn't matter) - like he said he would. Let's just hope and pray that he can make an impact on all this.

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day." - Will Durant

Let's hope my 'lucky' day is tomorrow.. :) :)

Night!

Rachelle

A new week begins!!!

It's Monday and I prayed over the weekend that this week would be better than last week! Although I am verryyyyyyy tired (still sick and one sick baby), my mind is right where it needs to be - getting to Stanford asap!!

So, I have my Plan A, B, C & D all ready to go...........remember in situations like this, you have to have the next 'plan' already in place. I have no time to spare here.

Plan A - appeal my HMO

Plan B- get the doc up at Stanford to help appeal my case (he said he would personally make a phone call and I will hold him to that! :)

Plan C - Ask the doctor to do the work pro-bono (yes, for free.....it can't hurt to ask!!! It would at least cut out some of the expenses)

Plan D - hire an attorney to fight my HMO

I was able to contact another organization today. Thanks so much Rian for the info!! :) It's called the San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation. Founded by Connie Reeves Campbell. Her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1998 and lost his life in 2000. Connie then started this organization because she knew first-hand what an impact this diagnosis can have on a family.

Check out this link on brain tumor facts & statistics. Little scary to read when you have one but the more educated I am, the better off I will be.

http://www.sdbtf.org/facts-bout-bt.html

I emailed her and am waiting to hear back. They can help out in several different ways so I am interested to hear what she has to say.

I also looked into attorneys. Got a few recommendations from a friend - thanks Beth! I need a good one that 'fights HMO's.' If anyone knows of one, send their name to me. Also, when you look for an attorney, it's a good idea to go 'interview' them first because you obviously want one 'you' are comfortable with. Just like me searching for the doctor best for 'me', I need an attorney who has 'my' best interest and I feel comfortable with.

Obviously I am hoping I will never get to Plan D!! BUT, if I do, I'll be ready.........

It will still cost me less to hire a good attorney and get this paid for then to pay for the whole procedure itself. Yes, it's a risk but I am willing to try that first.

I have a feeling I will have a lot more answers this week. My doc up at Stanford is out of the office until Wednesday so I have two days to really get a lot of things done.

PRAY that answers come my way and that I can keep moving forward!

Today's Daily Affirmation is an affirmation for tumors:

"I lovingly release the past and turn my attention to this new day." - Unknown author

It's a new Monday and a new week! Enough now and let's get this show on the road!!

Hugs to you all -

Rachelle

Happy Birthday Ms. Camryn! :)

Today was my little girls 1st B-Day!!!!! I can't believe how this last year has flown. I am glad to almost be done with bottle washing but at the same time, sad that the whole newborn/baby stage is almost over.. :( It's certainly bitter-sweet.......... I had two rough pregnancies (my tumor caused Bells Palsey with my first pregnancy and severe vertigo with my second). Little did I know that I had this tumor but now that I do, I have been told by two doctors that it's best not to get pregnant, ever again. Reason being is that there are two 'types' of tumors mine could be. One has estrogen receptors on it - therefore could grow by the increase in hormones during pregnancy. Chris and I had always talked about only having two but when someone 'tells' you that you shouldn't have any more kids, it makes that pill a little harder to swallow.

I am blessed with two HEALTHY children.......so, I am o.k. with how things are! :)

I FINALLY figured out how to add music!! Thanks Nancy! :) I think I told you that right now my favorite song is the "Black Eyed Peas - "I Gotta Feeling" - so upbeat and fun. When the sh&% started to hit the fan with my situation, I kept hearing this song and it just instantly put me in a good mood. So, when you connect to my blog - that is what you are going to hear first!!

My second choice is Van Halen's "Right now." I'll also tell you that I love country, R&B, hip-hop, rock, heavy metal - ALL of it...I am definitely more of an '80's queen' but I like a lot of different genres......so, you might find my playlist a little strange.. :) But, there is a story to each of them.

Now, back to my second choice. When I was going through paramedic school, I was having a little bit of a hard time in my field internship. It was almost guaranteed that 50% of your class would fail medic school but mostly in your 'field' time (which consisted of doing approximetly 3 months of shifts with a paramedic crew and having them critique you). It was one of the hardest things I ever did and I don't care what anyone says but basically in approximately 10 months, you are taught to diagnose patients and make life threatening decisions. It's very intense. So, to get pumped up before my shift, I would play this song over and over on my way to the fire station. For some reason it got me focused on what I needed to do with each shift. Everyone has a different way of dealing with things and this is what helped me. I ended up graduating and everytime I hear that song, it takes me back to those days. I have to give a shout out to Jim & Phil (my paramedic preceptors from Vista Fire) who put up with all my ups and downs and to Mary C. (my field instructor) who rode my butt (like white on rice) but pushed me to be a good medic. THANKS!! :)

OK - got off on a little tangent there but sometimes it's fun to reminisce about the ol' days!! :)

What a GREAT DAY!!!

A friend of mine posted a comment on my blog on how to remember to 'stay in the moment and to not dwell on the past or worry about the future.' I was certainly doing that this last week so thanks Nancy for bringing me 'back' to where I need to be. Post your comments!! I read all of them and they really make an impact on me.

Today's Daily Affirmation:

Every day in every way I am freely opening my senses to the beauty in myself and opening up to all the beauty around me and in all the people I encounter - Random affirmation from 'holistic healings.'

It's been a long day but one full of memories. Happy Birthday to my sweet little baby girl. I love you!!!

Rachelle

One step closer...

Well, I made all those follow-up calls to see what the heck is going on and I am glad I did. I didn't want to go into the weekend 'not knowing' anything has progressed at all.

Talked to a few different people up at Stanford. I talked to Doctor #2's medical assistant and told her my situation, the urgency, how can she help me etc and she was awesome. She told me that they faxed some information that would help my primary doctor w/the referral and she also said that if I got denied treatment (which was done verbally but I have not gotten the formal letter yet), that Doctor #2 said that he would call Sharp himself to speak to whomever he needed to talk to. Of course I thought this was good news and I will surely hold him to it! :)

I also talked to Radiology/Oncology to see if I could set up a consult appt w/that doctor (it has to be done before any treatment is started) and she said she still hasn't gotten approval but it could come in Monday. I am still going to make an appointment - it'll be week #2 and I can't keep waiting. I just have to assume my situation is the worst and if it isn't, then "I" will have been my own advocate to be on top of things. People who sit around and just 'wait' are the ones you hear that don't have the good outcome - I am not going to be one of them.

This week was a rough one - probably the worst I have had in awhile. Gosh - I know SO MANY of you are praying for me and I need more of them now than ever. I can see how people 'give up' and do what is easiest...................but I just can't. I have to keep believing that all of this will work out!!

My little girls 1st B-day is tomorrow - can't believe it. I am going to enjoy the day and be grateful for my healthy, little girl and all the joy she has brought me.

Today's daily affirmation:

CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION:

"Remember this maxim: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. The way you perceive things is an extremely powerful tool that will allow you to fully bring the power of intention into your life." - Wayne Dyer

I believe that next week will be better than this one. This one is over and it's time to move on.

Thanks to everyone for their support!!!!! I can't thank you enough!

Hugs -

Rachelle

Today was somewhat uneventful.....other than I think I am getting my babies cold! :(

I have been so healthy the last 9 months (since I have been doing this holistic eating plan w/herbs) but with all the stress lately, it's no surprise that my immune system is not so strong right now.

Monday, I get an estimate from Sharp on how much the procedure costs there. Then I am going to get Stanfords and hope that it's more cost effective to go to Stanford (I doubt it but we can always hope!) :)

I still haven't heard from Stanford. Maybe because the gal I spoke to is waiting to hear on her end. I will definitely call her back tomorrow, before the weekend, to see if she has any updates. The waiting is a killer - another day passes and pretty soon it will be two weeks since my trip to Stanford.

On a happy note, my beautiful little baby girl turns 1 on Saturday!! :) I have been scrambling the last few days to get ready for her birthday. I can't believe I gave birth to that little girl almost a year ago now. She is the happiest baby on this planet and such a joy. Camryn and Austin give me so much strength!! My love for them is indescribable.

I attached some recent photos of them.... aren't they the cutest??!!!! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins

I believe everything will be o.k.

I believe I will be healed.

I believe this happened to me for a reason.

I believe this will make me a better and stronger person.

And I believe in the power of prayer.

Things are a little tough right now so stay strong with me and keep sending me your positive energy and prayers......!!!!

Love to you all -

Rachelle :)

PS - To my '11' followers... :) POST A PIX! I want to see your beautiful faces!! :)