One year ago today...

One year ago today my whole world was turned upside down. My little newborn was only 10 weeks old and I remember thinking that I "knew" something was wrong with all the vertigo (dizzy) spells I was having. After insisting on an MRI, I remember the doctor calling me around 4:30pm and telling me, "We found something."
Of course Chris was working that day (24hr shift) - never fails....he always seems to be working when some 'crisis' happens at home! :) And so it was just me alone with the babies to take it all in. That night was probably one of the worst nights of my life - obviously because I could only think the worse. Even in my paramedic days, hearing someone with a 'brain tumor' wasn't the best news and the outcome usually not so good. Now, I am more educated on the several different kinds of brain tumors and how many are benign and don't have horrible outcomes.

I have certainly had my ups and downs this last year. I think what I mostly remember was trying to stay focused on my goal...getting the 'right' treatment for my tumor. I have been determined and I know I will get it but for some reason I had to hit quite a few bumps to get there. In my very first post, I said that if I could turn back time I would not change a thing...and I still wouldn't. Crazy as it sounds (because this certainly has been quite a stressful year), I have really grown as a mother, wife and human being. I am not the same person I was and I am liking more of who I am becoming.

It looks like my appeal to the state will be turned in possibly tomorrow. I am sure everyone up north is on vacation this week or next but we are hoping to hear 'something' in the next 2-3 weeks. My goal is to have my radiation treatments done in January so that I can start the new year off with this tumor being taken care of!!! Now, some of you think I will be crazy to say this but my journey won't end there.

After my treatments are done, I will have follow-ups to make sure the tumor isn't growing but I will be on another mission. That one being to get HMO's to pay for Cyberknife treatment for 'my' and other intracranial tumors in which it is considered the 'standard of care.' So, don't be surprised if you catch me on a local news station, etc.......either by myself or with my attorney bringing attention to this issue. If I can spare someone else the stress I have endured this last year, it will certainly be worth it. I am even going to contact Cyberknife HQ to see if they will take my testimony and use my 'case' that may be beneficial for the awareness of Cyberknife treatments.

I think it's complete B.S., what I have had had to do to 'jump through the loops' to get what is right but that is the way our HMO systems work. So, I will win my appeal and if I don't get them to change, then I will get the word out to other people that you might have to fight to get what you want but YOU CAN!

I can't wait for 2010!! It's almost like I feel a 'fresh start' coming my way! :)

Today's Daily Affirmation:
"The meaningful question is never what we did yesterday, but what we have learned from it and are doing today." - Marianne Williamson

I have learned SO MUCH on this journey and it's almost like it's been the year of finding out who I really am, what I am capable of and how I am going to use this to help other people. I look forward to the plans God has for my life and what's most imporant is that I know I will be around for a long time for my babies!!!!

I hope you all enjoy this Christmas season and are especially blessed with all the simple things in life! A year has gone so fast and I hope that next year I will slow the pace down, just a little and take more time to just 'smell the roses.'

Have a great night! :)
Hugs -
Rachelle