One appointment done!

Today was face mask fitting and CTScan at Cyberknife SD.
I started asking my '100' questions to the nurse and she couldn't answer too many - saying that my neurosurgeon would be able to answer most of my questions before my procedure. So, because I won't see him for over a week, I did a REALLY dumb thing when I went home - I went online!

OK - when you have been diagnosed with something, it's a dangerous thing to go online because you can scare the shit out of yourself with all the information out there. Don't get me wrong - the internet is one the BEST things to come around and it has helped me a lot on my journey BUT - and I mean a BIG BUT...........you can find lots of information that is misleading, not true, opinions vs. facts, etc.............

So, I started looking up 'questions' I had (and I have researched this to the hilt but I ALWAYS have more questions.......smile) and just started reading some stuff about Cyberknife that kind of freaked me out! And the stuff that freaked me out was a 'chat' board on people just giving their opinions. I should just take it with a grain of salt and I don't know how I came across it but it pushed that little 'oh shit' button in my head!! So, I instantly turned it off!!

Am I freaking out because it's all happening so fast? Am I scared - f*$& yah! BUT, I have to keep bringing myself 'back' to where I was just a few weeks ago - pushing for this treatment because IT IS the BEST, state-of-the-art treatment there is today for 'my' type of tumor. I think the 'reality' is just finally settling in and today made it even more real.

Back to my appointment!! I met with the nurse and she started an IV on me (for the contrast dye for the CTScan), asked me questions and then briefly went over the whole procedure. Then we went to get the face mask fitted. The face mask is necessary because you MUST keep your head still during the procedure.

First, they had me lie on a table in the room I will be getting my treatments (and dang it! I forgot my camera! I was going to take pix so you could all get a 'visual') :( Next visit! :) So, I am laying there and the nurse says, "We are going to put this mask on your face, it's going to be wet and warm and feel a little constricting at first. But, you will be able to see and breathe through it." Great............can't wait! So, they stick this wet, warm, meshlike mask that feels like soft plastic and then after about 5 minutes starts to harden and conform to the shape of your face. The WORST part about this whole thing is that when they come over and plop this thing on your face, they pull the sides (by your ears) snug on both sides of your head down to the bottom sides of the table - and then secure it onto something (I can't see this but that's what it felt like). They need it snug so that you won't move your head. You have to be as still as possible during this whole procedure. Egads! So, all I kept thinking was, "What if I have an itch? Sneeze? Cough? Laugh? Cry?" during the procedure? Is the radiation beam going to hit something that isn't going to be good for me? Egads again!!! So, I failed to mention that she also said that if I 'need something to relax' AKA: drugs/sedatives....they can always give me something prior to treatment! OK - that made me feel better. BUT, then I thought, "What if I fall asleep if I do take a sedative/relaxer and get that 'sleep twitch' you can get as you fall asleep?" - and then move by accident! I really am my own worst enemy. UGH!

Back to earth Rachelle. Mind over matter. I am not that claustrophic but I was thinking I might instantly diagnose myself today as being one! So, we get this mask thing done..............and mind you, that was only a few minutes with it on - my treatments will be about 45min-1hr each!! Note to self: seriously consider a sedative p/t treatment!

Then, I go back to the waiting room and sit and wait for my CTScan. So, they call me back in and we go upstairs and the nurse has a 'crash cart' with her. I KNOW what a 'crash cart' is because of my medic days. It's the cart they have at medical offices just in case someone goes into cardiac arrest. It has all the Advanced LIfe Support equipment on it in case they need to start resuscitating you. So, she then starts telling me that 'some' people, but "very few" can have severe reactions to the dye they use. Then I ask her if it's the dye that 'makes you feel like your peeing on yourself' and she said yes. So, I then didn't have to worry because I have already had that one. :) And yes, this dye - once they start injecting it into you, gives you a metal taste in your mouth and then a warm feeling throughout your body. Starting at the top of your chest down to your legs - and when it hits the bladder area, you really do feel like your peeing!

They then put me on the CTScan table and I see this lady walk in with my mask. Hmmmm?? I guess it doesn't want me to leave it alone?? And the lady says, "You will have to wear this mask during your CTScan." Greaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttt..... I know, I sound like such a wuss from the 'bring it on, Erin Brockovich" I was just a few weeks/months back?? HUH??

They continue to inject me with the warm, pee feeling liquid and then put the mask on. This time I tell myself - don't freak out! It's amazing how your mind works. So, I have it on and keep telling myself, 'It's not that bad, it's not that bad' - over and over. And soon enough, "IT'S NOT THAT BAD!!" :)

So, that lasts about 10 min or so and then I am done. IV out, CTScan done and fask mask fitting done!! MRI is left and then treatments will start!

Today's Daily Affirmation:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Thanks Stasi for reminding me of this today. I know my post today has a little bit of drama in it and I am just trying to 'take this all in' but at the end of the day, my situation is STILL nothing compared to some of those dealing with much bigger battles. In 15 days, I will be DONE with this and be able to start healing and move on. And I can't wait! I do have to say that I feel like I am getting red carpet treatment (as I posted earlier). Everyone in that office today was VERY nice, helpful and made me feel comfortable. The office was REALLY nice and everything just looked TOP NOTCH/State-of-the-Art...really! Made me feel good for what I worked so hard for!

Tomorrow I am off to see Dr. Won in San Clemente. He ALWAYS makes me feel so much better and gets me on a good path of eating right and taking care of myself. I am picking up some more herbs that will help me during my radiation and flush out all those nasty toxins! Can't wait to see him!
Have a great night and good Friday!! :)
Hugs -
Rachelle